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Gil's Comedy Script of the Month

DUBYA THE SNOWMAN
(MUSIC: FROSTY THE SNOWMAN)
Dubya the Snowman
Was a Party Hearty guy
Cause he'd sniff a line
And he'd feel fine
He was always flying high!

Dubya the Snowman
Used to party all the way
Till his famous pop
Said you'd better stop
You'll be president some day.

There must have been a Born Again
Whispering in his ear
Cause when he ran for governor
Wouldn't even drink a beer

So Dubya the Snowman
Put illegal toys away
But he said real clear to his straw and mirror
I'll be back again some day!

Sniffety sniff sniff
Sniffety sniff sniff
Look at Dubya go!
Sniffety sniff sniff
Sniffety sniff sniff
Snortin' up the snow!

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE HANUKKAH by Gil Christner

(MUSIC: klezmer)

ANNC- Everybody loves Dr. Seuss' classic tale about the Grinch. But what about the Chosen People? Don't they deserve their own Holiday Special? NBC thinks so! Tune in tonight for How The Grinch Stole Hanukkah!

BORIS KARLOFF- The Who's down in Whoville really had to make so sure Their Floogle Flan Candy Coated Roast Beast was Kosher!

ANNC- Finally, a version of the Holiday Classic that knows from Hanukkah!

KARLOFF- He snuck passed Cindy Lou Who as she slept in her cradle And snatched up her Oyem Vey Spung Doodle Dradle!

ANNC- The critics are raving! "For this you should stay home, enjoy, what, you got something better to do?" says Joel Siegel. "This cartoon gets my vote, and my re-vote," says Joe Lieberman. "That Grinch, he never writes, he never calls," says Rhoda Morgenstern. "Take this Holiday Special, Please!" says Henny Youngman!

KARLOFF- It came without latkes! It came without hora's! It came without Star spangled Moogle menorahs!

ANNC- How The Grinch Stole Hanukkah! Tonight, on NBC! What, you got something better to do?

KARLOFF- And the Who's asked the Grinch, and he said, "Without fail, I can get you all Hanukkah, and I can get it wholesale!"

IT'S BEGINNING TO BE A LAME DUCK CHRISTMAS
(MUSIC: IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS)

BILL CLINTON-
It's beginning to be a Lame Duck Christmas
Here in old DC
There's a chill in the air
And Icicles everywhere
It's a lot like going to bed with Hillary

It's beginning to be a Lame Duck Christmas
All around the town
And I'm feeling quite bereft
Cause there's only one month left
Of chasing all the interns around.

Champagne is flowing and Hillary's going to live in old New York
And Hanukkah's coming and Monica's slumming up there while eating pork
A month or so that's where I'll go to really pop my cork!
(SFX: POP!)
It's beginning to be a Lame Duck Christmas
Here in Washington
The election was so tight
A down and dirty fight
And I don't even really care who won!

It's beginning to be a Lame Duck Christmas
Here in Old DC
No more Hail to the Chief
I'll grab my boxers and briefs
And leave my legacy!

 

Copyright (c) 1999. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium
without express written permission of Premiere Radio Networks is prohibited

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