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Gil's Comedy Script of the Month

GEORGE W. BUSH PSYCHIC HOT LINE

ANNC

Do you want to know what’s going to happen next month?  Only one person knows!  Call the George W. Bush Psychic Hot line!

CALLER

(on telephone)

Yeah, will I get fired next month?

BUSH

Well, I know, but I’m not telling.

CALLER

Come on, tell me!

BUSH 

Nope, can’t tell ya. 

ANNC

George W. is the only one who gets all the information ahead of time.  He just doesn’t know what to do with it!

CALLER 2

Is my girlfriend cheating on me?

BUSH 

Can’t help ya.

CALLER 2    

Come on, do you know or not?

BUSH 

I know, I just can’t really connect the dots, sorry.

ANNC

The George W. Bush Psychic Hot line.  He knows all.  He just can’t tell you about it.

BUSH 

Listen, don’t you think if I knew your girlfriend was going to use that picture frame as a missile to put a dent in your head, I would have told you about it?

* * * * * * * * * *

THE HOME ALZHEIMERS EARLY WARNING TEST

OLD MAN

Oh, what did I come into the kitchen for?  Oh my, I’m getting more and more forgetful lately.

ANNC

Are you afraid you have Alzheimer’s?  Would you like to find out without the expense and emotional trauma of going to a high priced fancy schmancy doctor?  Then get The Home Alzheimer’s Early Warning Test, from Conco.

OLD MAN

Early Warning Test?  How’s it work?

ANNC

It’s simple.  There’s no blood to draw, no cups to fill.  Simply lick the patented Alzheimer’s Warning Strip and place it in the case.  Then leave it alone for at least one day.

OLD MAN

Simple enough so far.

ANNC

Now for the test.  If you can remember where you left it…

OLD MAN

It’s right here, on the counter.

ANNC

And if you can remember what the heck it is.

OLD MAN

This is my…wait a minute, don’t tell me…is it my heart medicine?

ANNC

If you can remember all of this, then you don’t have Alzheimer’s.  It’s that simple.  The Home Alzheimer’s Early Warning Test, from Conco.  Isn’t your peace of mind worth it?

OLD MAN

This is my denture adhesive, isn’t it?   No, it’s the case for my catheter tube, right?

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